Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's Not Boot Camp, It's Marketing

    Ah, another gem from James Fell. I was actually going to (and still will) write about the term 'boot camp', and why it is one of my pet peeves. This is pretty spot-on!

The main difference between a military boot camp and a fitness boot camp

If you haven’t seen the movie Full Metal Jacket, then what rock have you been living under? It is full of awesome in the form of real-life Marine Corps drill instructor R. Lee Ermey.
In that movie, the asses of new recruits are severely kicked for several weeks to get them ready for war. Certain fitness classes promise to transform you into a warrior, or at least make you more badass, or something, but there are some differences between the military boot camp and the fitness kind.
“Well, duh,” you say.
You don’t live in a fitness boot camp 24/7 for several weeks.
In a fitness boot camp, they don’t shave your head.
In a fitness boot camp, they don’t care about how polished your boots are.
In a fitness boot camp, rather than enlist, you pay money.
You don’t learn how to use rifles and other manufactured lethal weaponry in a fitness boot camp.
Fitness boot camps aren’t training you to go off to a real war where people shoot at you and/or try to blow you up.
The list goes on.
But there is one difference that stands out much more than these. Yes, it stands out even more than the “go to war” one. Can you guess what it is?
In a fitness boot camp, the instructor doesn’t want you to graduate.
After several punishing weeks of training, Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket told his men: “Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Marines.”
They had graduated, and it was time to GTFO and make room for the next bunch of recruits.
As a guy with an MBA, I can tell you there is an adage in business that it is five times harder to find a new customer than resell a current customer. Fitness boot camps don’t want you to ever graduate out of needing them, because they want to keep selling you more. They most definitely don’t want to train you in such a way that you’re ready to leave and face other forms of fitness combat after 13 weeks.
Here is a quote from Full Metal Jacket’s narrator, Private Joker: “Graduation is only a few days away, and the recruits of Platoon 3092 are salty. They are ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds. The drill instructors are proud to see that we are growing beyond their control. The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.”
The bold emphasis is mine.
When you pay for a fitness boot camp, you’re paying to be told what to do, and you’re paying to be motivated. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, if you can afford it. If your boat is worth more than my house, and you like forking out a constant stream of cash to never learn how to go it alone and be beholden to an exercise babysitter, then that’s fine. You go.
It’s easier for rich people to get and stay fit. They can have a trainer for every session that motivates them to show up and go hard. Be it a yoga class, boot camp, or personal training session, I know people who never work out without some well-paid person telling them precisely what to do.
The not-so-rich don’t have this option, and development of self-efficacy and intrinsic motivation is therefore critical.
If in the latest economic meltdown you were one of the financially destroyed rather than one of the destroyers (and seriously, screw those guys), then you need to learn how to go it alone as well as be motivated to do so. You need to reach towards that day when you are no longer a maggot, but a Marine, or something.
Self-efficacy is scientist speak for having your shit together. I go into extensive detail on what it is and how to use it in my Mission: Motivation book, and since it’s only like four bucks, you should totally buy it (see links at end of this post). It is a situation specific form of self-confidence. It means that you’ve progressed past needing someone to tell you what to do with your workouts, and you have gained independence. You have graduated and have the education and experience to handle things on your own. You’re a big boy now.
Note that this doesn’t mean you can’t go back for occasional coaching to take you to a new level. I never would have qualified for the Boston Marathon without my coach.
Trainers offer extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic means it comes from an external source. Intrinsic means internal. Internal means you. It means you yelling at you to keep going; push harder, don’t quit. Not some other guy you paid to yell at you.
A lot of trainers don’t want you to learn either self-efficacy or intrinsic motivation, because these skills interfere with their paycheck. Instead, they’d rather teach you learned helplessness so that you never stop needing them. They don’t have a fresh line of recruits ready to take your place on graduation day the way the Marine Corps does.
There’s nothing wrong with using a trainer or coach or class instructor to push you, but realize that they may not have your best interests at heart when it comes to developing independence and going it alone.
If you want to be born again hard, you need to learn how to become your own drill sergeant.

James S. Fell, CSCS, is the co-founder of www.SixPackAbs.com and owns www.BodyForWife.com. James is a nationally syndicated fitness columnist for the Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times. His book, Lose It Right: A Brutally Honest 3-Stage Program to Get Fit and Lose Weight Without Losing Your Mind is coming from Random House in early 2014. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
He is also the author of the ebook Mission: Motivation – A Realistic Guide to Getting and Staying Fit published by AskMen and available for Kindle, Kobo, Nook and iTunes.



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Thursday, October 17, 2013

How to Warm Up, Part 2

  Here is the second part of how Catalyst Athletics' Greg Everett approaches warm ups with his athletes. It is pretty lengthy but worth the read...
 


So what should a warm-up actually look like? Here are some guidelines to help you develop what I would consider an effective training preparation protocol.


Monostructural Work

This is some repetitive activity like rowing, jogging or jumping rope. I don’t believe this to always be necessary. Its purpose is to get some initial body temperature increase and systemic loosening in unusually cold temperatures or for individuals who have been immobile for a long period of time prior to training. This should be low intensity and for about 2-5 minutes depending on need. We usually start our class warm-ups with one of these or some basic agility ladder drills since most of our clientele work sedentary office jobs. This is definitely important for our early morning classes—usually these clients have literally just rolled out of bed. Agility ladder work is a lot more interesting than jogging or rowing and our clients love it. Partner medicine ball drills are another way to get some more fun and variety into this part of the warm-up.


Foam Rolling

Possibly the most significant change to my basic warm-up routine has been the addition of pre-training foam rolling. When I was first introduced to the practice, I relegated it to the post-workout period along with stretching. This of course is helpful and certainly worth doing, but rolling before training can make a tremendous impact on movement by allowing muscle and fascia to glide more smoothly. Hitting problem spots a little more aggressively is fine, but generally I suggest pre-training foam rolling be fairly light, smooth and quick rather than slow and painful; the latter I find best saved for after training (this is somewhat analogous to using dynamic stretching pre-workout and static stretching post-workout). I like to hit the upper back to mobilize the thoracic spine, then smooth out the scapular musculature and lat/teres/etc. attachments under the arms. From there glutes, hamstrings/adductors; then VMO/adductors, quads from front to lateral aspects, ITB/TFL, and finally calves if needed. Generally about 10 passes on each area is adequate.


Dynamic Warm-up

This is where we get into the kicks and twirlies. My goal with this portion of a warm-up is two basic things: make sure I address all the movements or joints necessary, and try to get in enough variation day to day that people stay engaged and perform it properly rather than turn into drooling robots who aren’t accomplishing what I expect them to.

I posted a video of many of the drills I use frequently on the site a couple years ago. This is a pretty extensive warm-up series and typically I wouldn’t actually use all of these in a single warm-up. I think of this stuff in sets of drills that each address a certain movement or area of the body and then I try to alternate exercises each warm-up while still having 1-3 from each set. This is how we get some variety without neglecting anything.

These drills can also be varied to prepare people specifically for the subsequent workout. That is, emphasis can be placed on movements and areas of the body that will be important for the training. An example would be doing more wrist, elbow, shoulder and upper back work for a workout that has a significant overhead component.

I conceptualize these sets or areas of the body somewhat nebulously, but if I had to write them down it would look something like this:

-Wrists
-Elbows
-Shoulders/Upper back
-Spine/trunk
-Hip flexors/quads
-Hip extensors/adductors
-Knees
-Ankles/calves

There is a range of specificity there both by necessity and for the sake of practicality. Following are some ideas of how I address each area. You’ll notice that many of the drills don’t fit neatly into one category and often address multiple areas—this is just the nature of athletic movement and is only a problem when trying to write something like this. In fact, it ends up being convenient because you’re often able to get more accomplished with fewer drills.


Wrists

My default drill here is wrist circles with the hands clasped together. This is quick and simple and usually about as much as the typical person needs. If a client has particularly tight wrists and/or will be doing activity that demands a lot from the wrists, stretches can be done with the hands on the floor or against a wall for flexion and extension or with one hand used to stretch the other. Drills with PVC pipes and similar can also be thrown in occasionally. Also, if you’re doing some floor-based work later, e.g. inchworms, you’ll be getting some of this stretching along with that.


Elbows

Elbows go overlooked much of the time until they start hurting, at which point it’s usually too late to fix them quickly. A few seconds of mobility work will help keep the elbows moving smoothly. Basic elbow circles are usually enough, although I have my clients rotate the hands as they do them to get a little more movement of the radius and ulna. Make sure you go both directions and extend the elbow completely each time.

You can get a bit more involved and throw in things like drill bits (demonstrated about halfway through this video), or rotations with a PVC pipe. For the latter, hold a PVC pipe horizontally in front of you with your left hand gripping the left end of the pipe with a supinated grip and your right hand grasping the middle of the pipe lightly (doesn’t really matter if it’s palm up or down, but up is easier). Keeping the right hand as an anchor in about the same place, let the pipe slide through it freely as needed while you pronate your left hand, still gripping the pipe, and extend your left elbow. Move back and forth between supination and pronation, fully extending your elbow each time.


Shoulders/Upper Back

Foam rolling the thoracic spine is the ideal way to start your shoulder warm-up. Many times people are so focused on shoulder mobility that they overlook the fact that their upper backs are hunched and tight, placing excessive demand on the shoulders to take up the slack. Mobilize the upper back, and suddenly your shoulders will feel a lot more flexible.

The basic arm circle forward and backward is the standard. Make sure you’re moving the shoulder blades in concert with the arms as you do these and keeping your upper back extended. People get remarkably lazy with these and end up looking like hunchbacks running a giant egg beater in front of themselves. Over and backs (swing the arms up over your shoulders and chop your upper back, then swing the arms back down behind you) and bear hug swings (swing your arms out to the sides, then back across your body like you’re hugging yourself) are also quick and easy.

If the following workout is shoulder intensive or the shoulders are a focal point, some more in-depth work can be added. Dislocates and presses behind the neck with a PVC pipe are quick and effective (make sure you’re retracting your shoulder blades with the presses). Pipe rolls are a good way to finish after some dislocates. With the same grip, swing one arm up and around your head and follow with the other arm; make sure you go in both directions.

Band pull-downs and chest expanders are good as well. For the pull downs, grip the ends of a light elastic band and hold it overhead like you would a bar for an overhead squat. Keeping the shoulder blades retracted tightly, pull the hands down to the sides until they’re below your shoulders. The band should slide lightly down your back—this isn’t a dislocate; the hands move straight down and back up. For chest expanders, use the same grip but start with the arms in front of you. Squeeze the shoulder blades back and pull the band apart as you bring your arms backward and let the band stretch across your chest.

Finally, a stretch we call the pat down: get near a wall and put the hands against it overhead like you’re getting searched by an arresting officer. Keeping the abs tight to prevent hyperextension of the back, push your chest down and back from the wall to open the shoulders. Instead of just pushing, thinking of pulling down away from the hands as well.


Spine/Trunk

Standing trunk rotations are sufficient to loosen up spinal rotation and hit the hips a bit, and they’re quick and nearly impossible to screw up too bad. Allow your back foot to pivot as you rotate away from it. You can do some rotation on the floor with iron crosses, which can be a bit more of a stretch, but doesn’t have the same dynamic element. Lying on your back with your arms to the sides and legs straight, lift one straight leg up and then bring it across your body to try to touch it to your opposite hand. Bring it back to the midline and down and switch legs.

While I like the standing rotations a bit more than iron crosses, they can’t do what the scorpion can do for the hip flexors. Lying on your stomach with the arms out to the sides, bend one leg and bring the foot to the opposite hand. Activate the glutes as you do this to keep the lower back from hyperextending and to help relax the hip flexors and allow them to stretch.


Hip Flexors/Quads

Leg swings forward and backward are very basic but effective. The back swing will loosen up the quads and hip flexors if done properly: keep the knee close to the other leg and try to close the knee entirely while getting the knee behind the hip.

Lunge variations are excellent for opening up the hips and I like having some kind of lunge used daily not only for this reason but also because of the glute activation and hip stability elements. Basic walking lunges are the simplest, but to this I’ll usually add either a rotation of the trunk or lateral trunk flexion toward the lead leg at the bottom of the lunge to further stretch the hip flexors.

Hip circles can be thrown in as well. The glutes should be kept tight as the hips move forward to stretch the hip flexors.


Hip Extensors/Adductors

The bow and bend is again the most basic here but also effective. Bend at the hips with the knees slightly unlocked and reach to the floor, then return to the top and use the glutes to push the hips forward as you lean back. The back can round as you reach down, but don’t let it complete the whole movement—make sure the hips are hinging so you’re stretching the hamstrings. This will hit the hip flexors quite well also as long as you get the hips through with tight glutes.

The spiderman lunge is one of my top choices for opening up the hips. Take a long lunge step and put the hands on the floor, then try to push your hips and chest toward the floor as far as possible. Stay low as you advance with the next leg. The lead shin should be about vertical—don’t get your body way ahead of your front foot. This should feel like someone is trying to rip your leg out of your hip, but in a non-violent and helpful way.

Groiners are like mountain climbers that reach the feet up to the hands and put you in the spiderman lunge position. The idea is to switch legs rhythmically, but to sink in deep each time to stretch out the hip capsule and adductors.

Leg cradles (knee to chest) are a good starting movement that doesn’t cause much strain. I like doing these walking and extending the ankle of the support leg as you squeeze the other knee to your chest. Make sure the support side glutes are active and your hips remain squared off—don’t let the lifted leg side drop.

Lunge variations will do some stretching of the lead leg hamstrings, adductors and glutes. The forward and backward leg swings mentioned above will hit the hamstrings on the forward swing. Lock in the pelvis as you swing—letting the hips rock back simply allows the lower back to flex rather than keeping the swing to the hip joint. Side leg swings will hit the adductors on the outward swing and some lateral hip, TFL and ITB on the inward swing. Lean forward slightly to lean against a wall or pole and swing one leg across yourself and then back out to the side. Let the toe point up at each side.

Inchworms are another good early drill because they’re slow and controlled. Place the hands on the floor in front of the feet with straight knees and walk them out slowly. When you reach a push-up position, drop the hips to the floor, engage the glutes, and lift your chest to stretch your hip flexors. Then walk the feet (keeping the legs straight) back up to your hands.

The Kossack is one of those exercises that I love but seem to forget too much of the time. Get into a squat and throw one leg straight out to the side with the heel on the floor and your toes pointed up. Keeping your feet on the floor, shift into a squat on the straight leg side and straighten the formerly bent leg. Keep your hands on the floor in front of you and support yourself as much as you need to make it from side to side without tearing your groin. Eventually you should be able to do this with no arm support and keeping your hips low as you transition from side to side.

Finally, there’s the Russian Baby Maker. I doubt I’m the first one to ever do this stretch, but I am the one who gave it that name. And no, I’m not going to explain why—it’s an inside joke that dates back to my college years; you’ll just have to trust me that it’s funny. Put your feet a little wider than your normal squat stance and toes a little more forward than you would normally squat with. With your hands holding the tops of your feet, wedge your elbows between your thighs—get them back as deep into your groin as you can manage. While pushing the elbows out into your thighs, slowly drop your hips toward a squat position. Don’t worry about keeping your back arched. This is not the same as pushing the knees out in a squat position—here we’re trying to spread the proximal ends of the femurs apart rather than the distal ends. In other words, spread the hips, not the knees. You can hold this bottom position for a while, or you can periodically move the hips up slightly and re-settle.


Knees

The knees should get pretty warm with the above drills, but focus work can be done if desired. Simple squats are a good place to start. To these, you can add some knee rotations in the bottom position, which will also help the hips and ankles. In the bottom of the squat, put the hands on the knees and move the hips up and down slightly as you push the knees in small circles each direction.

You can also do knee rotations in a number of ways from a standing position. The basic one is with the feet close together and straight forward, place the hands on slightly bent knees and move both knees together in a circle. You can also move the feet out and move the knees in the same direction, or in opposite directions.


Ankles/Calves

The above knee circles in the bottom of the squat is a good ankle warm-up and a number of different movements can be performed from this bottom position, such as shifting side to side. A more aggressive stretch can be performed by leaning both forearms on one knee to push the ankle closed.

Ankle circles in the standing position with the toe on the floor are quick and simple, and you can also add some heel-toe walking to other warm-up drills to sneak in some ankle work.


Putting it Together

This isn’t an exhaustive list—there are other exercises that can be used to address each of these areas. However, this is more than enough to keep you busy and getting enough variety to not drive yourself or your clients nuts. A single warm-up won’t use all of these drills by any means. We get a group warm-up done here in 12-15 minutes at a steady but not rushing pace. An example series might look like:

1. Wrist circles – 10 each direction
2. Elbow circles – 10 each direction
3. Arm circles – 10 each direction
4. Bow & bend – 10
5. 1-legged RDL + leg swings – 10 each leg
6. Spiderman lunge – 10 each leg
7. Scorpion – 10 each side
8. Russian Baby Makers – 30 sec hold
9. PVC dislocates – 10
10. PVC overhead squats - 10


Static Stretching

Select static stretching can be placed here to address specific problem areas that need aggressive stretching. Here is a stretching article.


Corrective Drills

This would now be the time to perform any remedial work you want to place before the workout. The individual is warm and the muscles and joints prepared to perform exercises safely and effectively. Examples would be glute activation drills like bridges, clamshells and X-band walks or shoulder prep/pre-hab work like band external and internal rotations, abduction, etc., or stability exercises like Turkish get-ups. These are drills that will either help the athlete or client perform safely or properly in training, or are elements deemed important enough to warrant the focus and energy only available at the beginning of the training session.


Try It

I know a few people who never warm-up, and a few of them will even tell you that warming up is unnecessary. Interestingly enough, all of these folks have chronic pain and histories of injury. Don’t make up silly excuses and analogies because you don’t feel like spending a few more minutes getting reading. You’re not a wild animal being chased without warning in the jungle—you’re an athlete getting ready to train in the gym.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

How To Warm Up, Part 1

  I am becoming a huge fan of Catalyst Athletics, and really enjoy the insights of Greg Everett. While being an absolute novice when it comes to Olympic lifting, I quickly am becoming a fan of them. Here, Greg discusses his reasons for his warm up protocol, which, though geared toward weightlifting, can be applied to all types of exercise. Here is Part 1, with more to follow...




  Catalyst Athletics: Our Warm-up is a Warm-up Greg Everett | Training: General | November 8 2011

 
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Catalyst Athletics: Our Warm-up is a Warm-up, Greg Everett,
Somewhere along the line, warming up became remarkably complicated. And for some, the line between warming up and training has faded to the point that I find myself compelled to say things like the title of this post.

Whenever you start getting confused about what to do, a reliable course of action is to ask yourself a simple question: Why? What is the purpose of this? What am I trying to accomplish? If you can answer those questions, chances are you’ll be able to work it all out just fine. If you can’t answer those questions satisfactorily, don’t be afraid to seek out the advice of someone more experienced in that particular area.

When it comes to warming up, what are we trying to accomplish? The name itself is a bit of a hint, but increasing body temperature is just one element. It might be easier if we rename the warm-up to training preparation. Now if we ask what we’re trying to accomplish, it should be obvious: we’re preparing our bodies for the training to follow.

I’ve seen more times than I can even believe warm-ups that read exactly like workouts—and not easy ones. The first thing I think to myself when I see these warm-ups is that I would have to warm-up to do them. This is a pretty good tip-off that your warm-up may not be serving its purpose. Ring dips, box jumps, burpees and the like are not elements of a warm-up. There will be times when you insert non-warm-up exercises before the primary workout, but these come after an adequate warm-up; they’re not part of it. These are usually remedial exercises to address an athlete’s or client’s weaknesses or activation exercises to help correct inactive musculature in a manner that carries over into the subsequent training (an example would be glute medius activation drills).

The title of this post is a modification of a popular line that demonstrates a lack of understanding of the purpose of a warm-up (which would garner more sympathy from me if it weren’t demonstrative of such an elitist attitude), as well as suggests that some people are more concerned with creating the appearance of athletic ability than actually developing it.

Having recently hired two new trainers at Catalyst, I’m having to go over a lot of the fundamentals again to ensure that everyone’s on the same page. One of the things I find myself reiterating regularly is that the number one priority in this gym is not hurting people. As much as I feel like this should be so obvious it shouldn’t need to be even said out loud, it can be overlooked easily when overwhelmed by the excitement and novelty of certain aspects of training, and often a big part of a trainer’s job is protecting clients from themselves.

That being said, I recognize and accept that some injuries and pain are inevitable with any physical activity, particularly among groups of people who have the shared tendency to push themselves. However, I see this not as an excuse to ignore it, but as a reason to do everything we possibly can to minimize the occurrence and severity of injuries. Much of this is accomplished through programming choices and client entry protocols, but the warm-up plays a significant role

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Paleo: Why It's So Funny! : Brilliance from James Fell

Paleo has jumped the shark

Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot.
Paleo water. It’s not a joke; it’s an actual thing.
And it makes it official. Paleo has put on its leather jacket, strapped two hydrodynamic boards to its feet, and caught air over top a carnivorous fish.
Perhaps you recall my last post about low carb / paleo and religious zealotry. In that post, there was a section called “Follow the Money” where I discussed how Mr. Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb Jimmy Moore couldn’t escape low carb dieting despite adverse affects to his health because his entire business was all about spreading low carb gospel.
I’m not trying to be mean to Jimmy here, but holy crap. You seriously need to go and check out this link, which is “As recommended by Jimmy Moore of Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb.”
One of the marketing claims is that this paleo water is, “…as close as scientifically possible to the water our genetic blueprint demands – but no longer receives. Today’s chemically treated ‘pure’ water is so far removed from the water we lived on for thousands of years.”
Yes, today’s chemically treated water is way different from what we drank for millennia, and that’s a good thing! Clean water is probably THE most important health advance humans have ever made. This so-called “paleo water” is about extra hydrogen something something, but the reality of our Paleolithic ancestors is that most of the water they drank was contaminated with stuff like parasites, E. coli and poop. Ever hear of giardiasis, AKA “beaver fever?” You don’t want to get it, but if you do, at least you can take antibiotics to cure it. Cavemen didn’t have such medicine. Their lack of clean water sometimes killed them.
At first, I thought this had to be a joke, so did a lot of people on my Facebook page when I linked to the paleo water advertisement. Maybe some vindictive vegans had created a fake page to discredit paleo and Jimmy both. But nope, I have confirmed that these guys are serious, and that Jimmy Moore did indeed endorse it, as per comments yesterday on his Twitter account.
This company is trying to marketing spin the popularity of paleo to sell a system that infuses hydrogen into water. (Again: or something). Does that actually do anything? I have no clue, but this chemist seems to think it’s a load of crap. Speaking of crap, want some real paleo water? Find a pond, take a dump in it, then have a drink.
Here’s another marketing claim from the paleo water company:
“When our clients taste PRIMAL WATER a common comment is that their body ‘knows’ this water. It ‘remembers’ it.”
Excuse me for a moment.
stupid burns
But you know what? Whether or not infusing hydrogen into water is worthless or worthwhile is not my point with this post. My point is to take a deeper look at paleo as a marketing gimmick.
I knew an exchange student from Africa when I was in university who had river blindness. He had permanently lost his sight due to a lack of clean water. I wonder what he would think about REAL paleo water vs. clean water that wasn’t full of stuff that could blind or even kill you.
James Randi
Yes, paleo is nothing but a marketing gimmick, and a damn effective one judging by how many it has sucked in. I should mention I have an MBA a dozen years of sales and marketing experience. I know a scam when I see one.
If you read my last post, you saw part of a rejection letter for my book (which IS being published by Random House April 1, 2014) from a major publishing house that didn’t think my program was “salable” because it was “sane, levelheaded, with proven advice.”
Gimmicks and scams are what sell.
Paleo is an awesome gimmick, I’ll give you that. It just sounds really cool. Our lives lack adventure. We commute in tin cans through traffic jams, sit in cubes and get performance reviews by people with double-digit IQs, have to obey all sorts of rules and laws … those cavemen had it made. Living the Paleolithic life must have been awesome.
Paleo advocates like to use the term “ancestral health,” but I’m going to burst some bubbles and point out why that term is an oxymoron.
First, let’s start off with the most shocking revelation that is something everyone who wants to lose weight must understand. You ready? This is the most important part of this post. Here goes.
 Starvation has killed more people throughout human history than any other cause.
Has that sunk in? Good, because what it means is that our ancestors had no sense of moderation, and with damn good reason. Being a glutton is a major survival skill. When you spend a lot of time starving, and for a brief period of time there is an ample supply of food, you eat until you’re ready to burst in order to put on as much fat stores as you can in order to survive the next famine. This is a well-studied phenomenon called post-starvation hyperphagia. Just FYI, “hyperphagia” means “pigging out.”
And not only that, but you went for the highest calorie stuff you could find. Green leafy vegetables were a last resort. If something sugary or fatty was around, you gobbled that stuff down like it was antidote to fast-acting poison. All you wanted was a metric shit-ton of calories in order to survive long enough to procreate.
And just FYI, meat was a rare treat. Most of our troglodyte ancestors ate a largely vegetarian diet. I’m sure they loved their meat, but it was hard to come by; hunting was risky and burned lots of calories that they needed to preserve to survive. (Cavemen didn’t like to move around too much if they didn’t have to.) Not only that, but they didn’t have refrigeration so it didn’t take long for meat to start getting maggoty. I guess maggots are extra protein though, right?
Another shocking fact about living in the caveman era: There was a good chance one or more (or all) of your kids would die. Are you parent? I am. The thought of such a thing rips my heart in two.
Also, a mere scratch could become infected and kill you. There was no effective treatment for pain (have fun in childbirth, ladies), there were no doctors or dentists, indoor plumbing or toilet paper … Heat came from a fire instead of a furnace, so your cave was often full of smoke, and air conditioning didn’t exist at all. Razor blades, waxing and laser hair removal didn’t exist, and neither did deodorant. Lice existed though. They existed a lot.
I’m pretty sure our ancestors didn’t do CrossFit either. Their exercise regimen was mostly walking, gathering stuff, making stuff with their hands, occasional chasing stuff, as well as occasional being chased by stuff, and sex done doggie style. Speaking of the latter, I expect women didn’t have too much say in when they had sex or even whom that had it with.
But you want to live paleo, so you book your trip to the PrimalCon Vacation in Tulum, Mexico. You drive a car to the airport, fly high in the sky in a big silver bird, drive in another (air-conditioned) car to your not-a-cave air-conditioned hotel, drink clean water and eat maggot-free food. And instead of wearing clothes you stabbed and skinned yourself, it’s something light and comfortable that was made by a child in a faraway land and purchased for a reasonable price at a department store. You can relax by the chlorinated pool and later on watch your hero Mark Sisson give a presentation using software called PowerPoint delivered via some weird technology called a computer. Way to Grok.
And don’t worry about your kids. They’ll be well looked after with almost zero chance of being eaten by a saber-toothed murder beast.
And speaking of Sisson, I’m pretty sure our ancestors didn’t have supplements. Mark will sell you some, though.
I have a feeling if you went back in time and really lived paleo for a week you’d hate it even more than I hate Nickelback.
Listen, I get the idea behind paleo, and I am all for living a life less processed. I think Michael Pollan was right with his basic advice of, “Eat food (meaning stuff that isn’t processed to hell). Mostly plants. Not too much.”
But why create a mystique around ancestral living when it’s mostly based on a lie? Marketing, that’s why. Again, it sounds cool.
Want to know what is more cool? Critical thinking. I challenge you to not follow the herd and make rational decisions about your diet and exercise regimen that aren’t based on flawed dogma. Don’t demonize food groups because someone says our genes haven’t changed – they have! The genes of much of the population has adapted just fine to dairy, because there were plenty of famines where those who couldn’t consume dairy starved to death and were removed from the gene pool. Same goes for eating grains. Being able to digest a wide variety of foods is a major evolutionary advantage that has been naturally selected for over the years.
Sure, there are things about modern society that sucks. I don’t like there being mercury or PCBs in my fish. I don’t like the way factory farms treat animals. I don’t like pollution or rising sea levels. I don’t like people who text when they drive. I really don’t like nuclear weapons. When I was a teen I was certain Ronald Reagan was going to get us all blown into radioactive hellfire and I would die a virgin.
But there are great things about being alive right now, which is why I think romanticizing ancient times is foolish. One of the big reasons I’m keen on modern society is healthcare. Here’s a great quote from Dr. Paul Offit, who is Chief of the Division of Infectious Diseases and the Director of the Vaccine Education Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia:
“People have been living on earth for about 250,000 years. For the past 5,000 healers have been trying to heal the sick. For all but the past 200, they haven’t been very good at it.”
Most of us don’t have to worry about dying from minor or even serious injuries, or a host of nasty infections, because of modern medicine. I wouldn’t trade that for all the hairy cave sex in the world.
raquel
Your Paleolithic carnal experiences may differ.
Yes, we have rampant obesity, easy access to heavily processed food, and sedentary lifestyles. Just because you don’t want to play that game doesn’t mean you should embrace a gross misinterpretation of ancient humanity. Think for yourself, and figure out what is right for you in our mostly wonderful modern world.
While you’re figuring things out, here’s a tip on how to get rich, if you think that will make you happy. Figure out the next big diet gimmick, because paleo has jumped the shark and won’t be around a lot longer. It will go the way of the blood type diet (over seven million copies sold) and the [insert place where rich people live] diet.
Get your thinking cap on and come up with a cool idea for a diet that can be romanticized in some way, and you’ll make a fortune.
My cut is 10 percent.

James S. Fell, CSCS, is the co-founder of www.SixPackAbs.com and owns www.BodyForWife.com. James is a nationally syndicated fitness columnist for the Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times. His book, Lose It Right: A Brutally Honest 3-Stage Program to Get Fit and Lose Weight Without Losing Your Mind is coming from Random House in early 2014. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter